War widows offer help for grieving families of German soldiers

Andrea Beljo's husband died in Afghanistan in 2003. Ina Schlotterhose's spouse lost his life in the same mission two years later. The two women met after Ina happened to see an interview with Andrea on television. Ina sent the TV station an email, and the broadcaster in turn passed it on to Andrea. Ever since, they've been supporting each other by spending time together, sometimes taking long walks.

To help others in similar situations, they founded an online network, www.du-bist-nicht-allein.net, which translates as 'you are not alone'. This internet platform is meant to help the families of German soldiers killed in military missions like Afghanistan contact others in a similar situation.

"Families might briefly see each other at the funeral service, but exchanging addresses is the last thing you think about at a time like that," Andrea said. "Later on they might want to talk to each other. And then they can email us and ask."

The network wants to help families of soldiers who have been killed in military missions

Getting in touch is difficult

After her husband was killed in 2005, Schlotterhose wished she had access to such a network. She tried to get in touch with other families, but the German armed forces were not able to help her.

"They are not allowed to give out private information", said Ina. "I tried reaching a family who had also lost someone. It was impossible because I didn't have the address."

Eventually, the military chaplaincy was able to help. They forwarded letters from Ina to other families. But still, she wished she could have found another widow. Someone like Beljo, who had been going through exactly the same trauma: losing her husband.

Talking to someone who experienced the same loss

"Many people say, 'well, it has been four years now. Life has to go on' - which is true. But I can still talk to Andrea about certain things and I know that she understands me. And I think she feels the same," said Ina.

Ina Schlotterhose (left) and Andrea Beljo understand each other's pain.

The 'you are not alone' network has been online for about eight months now, with around 20 bereaved family members involved. The fact that widows who had experienced the hurt themselves founded the network, lent the project credibility.

"I don't think it would be as good if the German armed forces managed this network, because a lot of the relatives say it's the military’s fault that their loved ones died," said Andrea. "At this point, they don't hold the forces in the highest regard."

Author: Sarah Steffen
Editor: Rob Turner/jen